ENGL 2105 : Workplace-Based Writing and Research

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Sentence-Level Revision Exercises

Below is a collection of sentences culled from my own and other people's writing. Most of them have a single stylistic imperfection. Some have several. See if you can correctly re-write each one. Check your revision by clicking on the sentence. While the suggested revisions are accurate, there may be alternatives. Your guiding principle is always the fewest words necessary. If you want to challenge yourself, see how quickly you can revise 10 randomly selected.

  1. From then on, skiing became an addiction to Spalding Gray.


    Spalding Grey was addicted to skiing from then on.
  2. The fans continued to give their support toward Chris.


    The fans continued to support Chris.
  3. Smoking bans are of no threat to restaurant owners.


    Smoking bans do not threaten restaurant owners.
  4. Finally, in 1849, in a state of depression and drinking steadily, Poe was found delirious in Baltimore on October 3.


    Poe was found in Baltimore on October 3, 1849, depressed, delirious, and drunk.
  5. As the title suggests, this book is designed to aid graduate students in the preparation and writing of research proposals.


    As the title suggests, this book helps graduate students write research proposals.
  6. There is a great fear among American retailers as the holidays near.


    American retailers fear poor holiday sales.
  7. Non-smoking patrons are currently being forced to be victims of second hand smoke.


    Non-smoking patrons are currently victims of second hand smoke.
  8. Legal action initiated by the city of Atlanta earlier this year against companies which manufacture firearms is an important step.


    The City of Atlanta took an important first step when it sued firearms manufacture.
  9. Non supporters of daycare will argue that their children's influential capacity is too vast to risk having a negative influence by a child at daycare.


    People who disapprove of daycare think their children's futures are too important to trust to strangers. (?)
  10. Having patience is needed because if are not t willing to listen to every detail that your opponent is sharing, the you are not really being a participant in the conversation.


    If you don't listen closely to what your opponent says, you are not truly participating in the conversation.
  11. Health care is of concern to all of us.


    Health care concerns us all.
  12. Callicles entered into a dialogue with Socrates for the sole purpose of trying to win against Socrates.


    From the beginning, Callicles' sole purpose was to beat Socrates.
  13. In the dialogue between Socrates and Gorgias, respect for one another is always there.


    Plato demonstrates that Socrates and Gorgias respected each other.
  14. Thus, rendering the conversation as ended.


    Thus, the conversation ended.
  15. The overall goal is to peruse the truth through analysis in regard to the subject at hand.


    The goal is truth through analysis. (?)
  16. Ecosystem destabilization can be the consequence of invasion.


    A single invasive species can destabilize an entire ecosystems. OR Invasive species destabilize ecosystems.
  17. A conclusion was reached that pH determined the rate.


    [passive voice is expected in the materials and methods section] Analysis indicated pH determined the rate.
  18. An analysis of main effect and interaction was conducted.


    The drug's main and secondary effects were analyzed.
  19. The indication of the results was that pH controlled the rate.


    The results indicated that pH controls the rate.
  20. Our intention is to perform an audit of the records of the program.


    We will audit the program's records.
  21. We had a discussion concerning a tax cut.


    We discussed tax a cut.
  22. There is a Pizza Hut that attracts all the teenagers in town on Saturday nights.


    The teenagers hang out at the Pizza Hut every Saturday night. OR The Pizza Hut attracts teenagers like flies on Saturday night.
  23. We performed a review of the relevant regulations.


    We reviewed the regulations.
  24. The acting company of Shakespearean performers did a performance of Twelfth Night on the thirteenth day of March.


    Twelfth Night was performed on March 13.
  25. There is a need for further study of this program.


    We need to study this program further.
  26. The committee has every expectation that it will reach a decision for the purpose of reaching a conclusion about that issue before the deadline.


    The committee plans to decide before the deadline.
  27. There was considerable erosion of the land of the farmers in the locale from the floods.


    The farmlands on the flood plane were considerably eroded. (?)
  28. The group's failure was the result of the way the chairman decided to submit his resignation.


    The group failed because the chairman resigned the way he did.
  29. The fact is that data analysis must be done immediately subsequent to its collection.


    Data analysis must follow data collection immediately.
  30. We need to make a change in the way we handle new technology when we make a decision of its incorporation.


    We need to change the way we choose technological solutions. (?)
  31. It is necessary for presidential candidates to give a good performance on television.


    Presidential candidates need to perform well on television.
  32. There are many people who fear success because these are people who believe they do not deserve it.


    Many people fear success because they believe they do not deserve it. (?)
  33. In their plans for houses, there are brick walls that are often reinforced with stainless steel by architects because of stainless steel's resistance to the effects of the weather.


    Architects often choose to reinforce brick with stainless steel because it resists coorosion.
  34. Favorable attention is often given in their design of parts for missiles to the development of titanium because there is a high strength in the material in relation to its weight.


    Titanium's high strength to weight ratio makes it ideal for missiles.
  35. There is a need in our town for a reevaluation of the water supply.


    The town needs to reevaluate its water supply.
  36. The reason an inventory was taken was their suspicion of theft activities.


    The took an inventory because the suspected theft.
  37. Our expectation was to establish new tolerance levels in people.


    We expected to make people more tolerant.
  38. The appearance of the candidate before the board was on June 30th.


    The candidate appeared before the board on June 30th.
  39. There is a presidential appeal being made to the American people for the conservation of gasoline.


    The President asks Americans to conserve gasoline.
  40. It is my belief that there should be consultation by the administrators with the student body before changes in rules are made.


    The administrators should consult the students before they change the rules.
  41. The indication of the business report that sales figures are down 10% on last month is worrying.


    The 10% drop in sales is worrisome.
  42. A team of scientists analyzed the data in the lab before they wrote their report.


    omit?
  43. The production of a mathematical formula by mathematics and physics experts has explained the modern phenomena of network science.


    Network science is based on mathematics. (?)
  44. You're giving me temptation.


    You're tempting me.
  45. This opportunity to develop relationships – and not just provide a mere distribution of services – had a profound effect.


    This opportunity to develop relationships – and not just distribute services – had a profound effect.
  46. There is a need of English majors.


    English majors are needed.
  47. As an editor of my own paper, it was difficult to be completely objective instead of succumbing to what I already thought about the quality and content of the paper.


    I found it difficult to read my own writing objectively. (?)
  48. The purpose of this job is to provide academic assistance to students enrolled in especially challenging courses that have historically high withdrawal/failure/drop rates.


    This job assists students struggling in courses that have high withdraw/fail/drop rates.
  49. It means they have come to a clearer understanding of what they are trying to say.


    They understand their subject better.
  50. Some ideas need to rise to the surface and take time to do so.


    Some ideas surface slowly.
  51. There are a number of different ways to gather data.


    Data can be gathered in different ways.
  52. The least number of words necessary.


    The fewest words necessary.
  53. If you want to challenge yourself, pick 10 randomly and time how long revising takes you.


    If you want a challenge, see how quickly you can revise 10 randomly selected.
  54. Sleeping on it really does help.


    Sleeping on it helps.
  55. Most people enjoy the information gathering process, especially if they are interested in the subject and don't yet have any fixed ideas about it.


    Most people enjoy gathering information, especially if they subject interests them, and they don't yet have any fixed ideas about it.
  56. Pseudo problems are those that are thought to exist but don't.


    Pseudo problems are thought into existence.
  57. The cosmopolitan ideal of education aims at the transformation of individuals to become world citizens who serve and work in nation(s) other than their own nation states.


    The cosmopolitan ideal of education would transformation individuals into world citizens who serve and work in nation(s) other than their own.
  58. Textual, visual, and other multi-media and multi-layered representations has already become a challenge to the postmodern and post industrial societies.


    Textual, visual, and other multi-media and multi-layered representations have challenged postmodern and post industrial societies.
  59. This journey of archaeology on knowledge transcends and goes beyond chronological research on language, speech act, and knowledge within one culture.


    This archaeology of knowledge transcends chronological research on language, speech act, and knowledge within one culture.
  60. The major difference of cosmopolitanism from other theories is that it searches for ethical standard, universal equality and fraternity, and world peace.


    Cosmopolitanism significantly differs from other theories in that it searches for ethical standards, universal equality and fraternity, and world peace.
  61. As far as research method is concerned, Thatcher uses etics and emics as a basis for intercultural inquiry,


    Thatcher bases his intercultural inquiry on the research methods of etics and emics.
  62. It is easier for some to think of cosmopolitan equality, whereas difficult for others.


    Cosmopolitanism is more easily accepted by some people than others.
  63. The point at which a loop defined by $i = 0; while $i < 100, do X will stop.


    The stopping point of a loop defined by $i = 0; while $i < 100, do X .
  64. Sometimes the problem and the solution are clear, but the prospects aren't receptive and thus most of your work is on understanding who you are trying to sell the solution to, how they perceive the problem, and how you can describe problem and solution so that they get it.


    Sometimes the problem and the solution are clear, but the prospects aren't receptive, in which case you have to focus on understanding your prospective clients, how they perceive the problem and the available solutions so that they understand what you are offering.
  65. The recipient of the proposal has a problem and the company sending the proposal can solve that problem.


    The proposal recipient has a problem the proposer can solve.
  66. having to provide all your contact information when buying something with a credit card online.


    having to enter all your contact information when buying something with a credit card online.
  67. In truth there's little difference between business writing and most other forms of transactional writing.


    Business writing differs little from all other forms of transactional writing.
  68. Since cell phone key boards now have all characters, using txt speak is just a way to signify your digital hipness, evidence which kind of disproves the intended point.


    Since cell phone key boards now have all characters, using txt speak is just a counter productive way to signify your digital hipness.
  69. One of the most vivid effects of digital media on digital writing is caused by how digital writing gets paid.


    One of digital writing's most common features is caused by how digital writing gets paid.
  70. There will come a time when you will need to close your archive.


    Eventually you will need to close your archive.
  71. But I think that the fact that there is no longer any way to disengage, unless one gives up the "phone" entirely, renders most of us indifferent.


    But I think that because we can no longer disengage without entirely giving up our phone, most of us are simply indifferent to our loss of privacy.
  72. The new Mercedes S class is a wonder of technology.


    The new Mercedes S class is technologically wonderful.

    . . . is wondrously technological

    . . . has wonderful technology.
  73. A great deal of what we believe is the direct result of our having heard it said emphatically or frequently.


    We tend to believe what we've frequently heard, especially if it's being shouted at us.
  74. Let's say you know from tracking credit card purchases that the people who bought 5 specific items, purchased item X next 90% of the time.


    Let's say you know from tracking credit card purchases that 90% of people who bought 5 specific items, purchased item X next.
  75. I only came across two references.


    I came across (found) only two references.
  76. Writers and speakers of all kinds have since the advent of writing kept notebooks in which they recorded quotations and observations they thought they might want to either emulate or quote verbatim.


    Writers have always kept notebooks in which they recorded quotations and observations they thought they might want to either emulate or quote verbatim sometime in the future.
  77. Many Americans do not cook regularly and do not think about exercise because they hate it.


    Most American's cook infrequently and hate exercising.
  78. American women should be encouraged to increase the delay in having children


    Americans should delay having children (?)
  79. Because the air is so badly polluted and treacherous everyone who lives here will be given a significantly low property value, due to the pollution.


    The property values here are significantly lower than they would be if there were no hog farm in the vicinity.
  80. Lab HIV testing can take 2 weeks to obtain results, but can produce accurate results within 2 weeks after possible exposure


    Lab HIV tests provide results in two weeks and are accurate up to two weeks after possible exposure.
  81. Each one of these tests are helpful in that they produce the results that people are looking for and have different alternatives for those who can’t afford or find other methods of testing.


    These tests produce the desired results and offer a choice of methods and costs.
  82. Salt is essential for life, and in excess can kill.


    Salt is essential for life, but lethal in excess.
  83. In common HIV tests (such as the Rapid HIV Test), it can take up to 3 months after exposure for the results to be accurate.


    HIV tests like the "Rapid HIV Test" might require as much as three months from exposure to provide accurate results.
  84. The portable HIV tester acts like a blood-sugar tester in its ability to produce results in under a minute, unlike lab tests, while being rechargeable and reusable.


    Like a blood-sugar tester, the HIV tester produces results in under a minute, far faster than lab tests. It is also reusable and rechargeable.
  85. In a restaurant, especially small ones, sanitary issues and the comfortability of other customers can become an issue when there is an animal present.


    Some restaurant goers are put off by the presence of a guide dog or personal support animal.
  86. A simple solution to this problem is to create a separate area for people with service animals; similar to the non-smoking sections vs smoking sections that restaurants use to have.


    A simple solution to this problem is to create a separate area for people with service animals, similar to the non-smoking sections vs smoking sections that restaurants use to have.
  87. No remodeling of any resturants are needed, just informing the staff to sit people with service animals in a certain area of the restaurant.


    Restaurants wouldn't need to be remodeled. You could simply tell staff to sit people with service animals in the same place in the restaurant.
  88. Technically it is an act of manipulation.


    Technically it is manipulative.
  89. While Shazam can tell you what song you are listening to, it still has limits in the information it gives a user about a song.


    Shazam's information about the song you are listening to is limited to the name and band.
  90. For people who are either just learning about music or have been working with it throughout their life, there is plenty of information that has yet to be given, such as who made the song and what instruments were used to make it.


    For both novice and life-long musicians, there is far more to know about a song than just the title and who played it. One might want to know the producer and the instruments, for example.
  91. Just about every customer seems to encounter the same issues when waiting in a long checkout line.


    Long checkout lines are everywhere and a miserable experience.
  92. I currently do not have any questions for you.


    I have no questions for you.